


for a miracle or a consequence

by foundfamilyvevo



Category: Julie and The Phantoms (TV)
Genre: Alex Mercer Has Anxiety (Julie and the Phantoms), Alex Mercer's Parents Are Homophobic (Julie and The Phantoms), Character Study, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Families of Choice, Gen, Period-Typical Homophobia, Pre-Canon, Protective Bobby | Trevor Wilson, Sunset Curve (Julie and The Phantoms)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-02
Updated: 2021-02-02
Packaged: 2021-03-13 05:26:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,722
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29148171
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/foundfamilyvevo/pseuds/foundfamilyvevo
Summary: Alex can still see the pamphlet behind his eyelids when he blinks. His mind is still swimming and scrambled with the words 'reparative therapy retreat' and his mom saying, "We think it could really help, don't you want to be well?" and his father awkwardly looking at the ceiling to avoid making eye contact.Or, Alex needs space from his parents, so he calls Bobby.
Relationships: Bobby | Trevor Wilson & Alex Mercer
Comments: 22
Kudos: 84





	for a miracle or a consequence

**Author's Note:**

> warning for discussion of parental homophobia and passing mentions of conversion camp, with no graphic details. also, this fic makes no claim about bobby's eventual goodness or badness, just tries to capture how he might have seemed to a 15/16yo alex. title from sleeping at last's silhouettes.

It's a warm night, so at least that's something. Alex is pacing the curb with his backpack at his feet. His anxious energy has always needed ways out of his body, needed to express itself in order to subside; drumming is his first port of call, but when he can't drum, such as right now, outside his parents' house at 10:45pm on a Thursday, he paces. His neck feels prickly and his chest is too tight, a feeling that never gets more comfortable even with its familiarity. No matter how much he rubs his hands and pulls at his fingers, they don't feel warmer, or less shaky. Despite the balmy weather, his stomach feels full of ice.

He knows it takes about twenty-five minutes to drive from Bobby's to his, on a smooth run with a little traffic. It's been just about that since he phoned Bobby from the landline in the living room, not even looking at his mom as he said, "Hey, man. Mind picking me up? No, yeah, just from my folks' place. Thanks." After hanging up, he'd stalked past them without saying a word.

Bobby's car is audible from around the corner because of his semi-obnoxious revving, but Alex can't complain; Bobby's the only one of them who can drive. Plus, he doesn't know if he could handle Reggie or Luke right now. Scooping up his backpack, he hails Bobby with a loose wave. As Bobby pulls up to the curb, Alex jogs around to the passenger side. Grinning at him, Bobby leans over to open the door from the inside, since the outside handle is busted. "Nice catwalk you had going on out there." The boys all tease him for the pacing, but tonight Alex can't muster more than a weak smile as he clambers in, resting his feet on the energy drink cans and fast food packets that carpet the floor of Bobby's car.

Rather than taking off right away, Bobby leaves the engine humming, the vibration seeming to be all around them as he turns in his seat to look at Alex. When Alex looks up, he sees Bobby's gaze is, as always, almost impossible to read; cool, collected, curious. He turns the heating up, as though he can tell Alex is too cold just from this first glance at him. Alex looks away, down at his hands where his fingers are wound together and pressed between his knees. He keeps doing the deep breathing that Luke would normally talk him through. In for four, hold for two, out for five. In for five, hold for three, out for six.

After a long moment, where the only sound is the car, still growling, soft, like a protective animal, Bobby says, "You wanna talk about it?"

Mutely, Alex presses his lips together and shakes his head. As cool as Bobby is, Alex doesn't want to cry in his car. That feels like asking for a lot. He inhales, and exhales, trying to relax his throat so he won't be choked up if he talks.

"Are they being shitty to you?" Bobby pushes, and his voice hardens, flinty and a little less calm than before. "Alex, man, if they're being shitty to you-"

"It's fine," Alex interrupts, and to his relief, his voice is level, if a little quieter than usual. "They're just awkward and weird, it's fine."

Alex can still see the pamphlet behind his eyelids when he blinks. His mind is still swimming and scrambled with the words ' _reparative therapy retreat_ ' and his mom saying, "We think it could really help, don't you want to be well?" and his father awkwardly looking at the ceiling to avoid making eye contact.

Finally, Bobby puts the car into gear and starts driving. Just when Alex thinks that maybe, for once in his life, Robert Wilson has dropped a topic when instructed, Bobby asks "What kind of awkward and weird?"

"Seriously, bro, you want to hear about this?"

"Why wouldn't I?" Bobby says, and it sounds almost like a dare, the way he sounds when someone says _you wouldn't_ about him having another drink or approaching a girl who's way out of his league.

Alex picks at a loose thread on the hem of his shirt. "Because it's about me being gay."

They haven't really talked about Alex being gay since he first came out to the group. Reggie had a couple of questions, and Luke had said _that just makes so much SENSE_ about seven times, and Bobby had awkwardly apologised for setting him up on so many blind dates. But they all seemed okay, and happy, and like they still wanted to be in a band with him, so Alex had taken it as a win and it hadn't come up again. Probably because it was never relevant, since Alex wasn't dating, and all they did was fuck around and play bad covers of other people's songs while Luke banged his head on his notebook until original chords and words tumbled out.

"I assumed that," Bobby answers. Then, winces at himself, and corrects, "Like, I assumed that the issues with your folks are - related, I didn't mean that being gay automatically makes things awkward. Or that you're the problem. Shit. Fuck."

Despite his best efforts, Alex laughs. It feels good to laugh. If it had been Luke or Reggie, he knows they would have been trying to comfort him, always really treading the line of too sappy, too much. At least Bobby's shoulders relax, and Bobby laughs with him.

"How do you get so many girls when you mince your words that badly?" says Alex, and Bobby lightly smacks him on the back of the head.

"Watch it, Mercer, I can tell you're trying to throw me off the scent. What bullshit are your folks up to?"

"Mom suggested I go to a camp," Alex says. "Like, a pray-the-gay-away kind of camp."

Bobby looks startled; he's not very expressive, but Alex knows him well enough to see the slightly widened eyes and the furrowed brow for what they are. "Wow. Seriously? Jesus."

"Yeah, I think that's who they're appealing to." It's his best effort at a joke, but this time, it falls a little flat.

"You're not, uh." Bobby adjusts his rear-view mirror, like he just needs something to do. "They can't make you, right? You're not going?"

"Of course I'm not going," Alex reassures him. "They barely pushed me. It was like they were so uncomfortable even acknowledging it that when I said 'no', they just... gave up."

"That really bothers you, huh." Bobby doesn't sound judgemental, but the observation catches Alex off-guard anyway.

For some reason, even though he's never been ashamed of himself, the issues with his parents are setting his teeth on edge. Honestly, he's more embarrassed of his parents, of how they're behaving, than he's ever been of his sexuality. They're _adults_ and they don't even have it in them to be fully terrible, not like Reggie's parents, or to stand their ground, like Luke's. They just drift around the house avoiding him, and then try to broach ridiculous suggestions, like today, and act like he's the one being irrational when he gets upset about it. They're _only trying to help, after all_.

"I mean. Yeah," Alex admits. "You would just think that...okay, I mean, obviously they really have an issue with this, and I'm their _kid_. I thought they'd at least try to convince me."

"You want them to fight harder for you," Bobby hums. "I get it."

Bobby never talks about his own family, but Alex has gotten the picture over time. Snippets from songwriting. Topics Bobby avoids. The fact that Bobby lives in this huge house and it's almost always empty other than him and the boys. Something about being left behind. If anyone understands, maybe it is Bobby.

As usual, Alex doesn't dare press him for details. They can ask Bobby for pretty much anything - midnight rides, under-the-table drinks, a place to crash - as long as they don't ask him to talk about himself.

For awhile, they drive in silence. The streetlamps pass by in a rhythm that lulls Alex, his cheek resting against the window. With his outrage and his anxiety slowly draining from his body, he feels nauseous, and shaky, and tired. So tired.

"I forgot to say," Bobby adds, the warm timbre of his voice not stirring Alex so much as lulling him further, "Luke is already staying at mine, he had a blowout with his folks too."

"Right, okay. Excellent timing," Alex drawls through a yawn, and Bobby snickers.

"You guys cool to share the couch downstairs?"

"Okay." His eyelids flutter and he blinks them actively back open, looking over at Bobby. He's steering with one hand, the other resting loosely on the gear stick, and he looks at ease, the way Bobby looks almost everywhere. He's got dark rings under his eyes, probably from picking up so many extra night shifts, but it doesn't... detract from his face, or anything. Girls probably think he looks like a tortured artist. Something about the sight of him makes Alex breathe easier. "Hey, um. Could you please not tell Luke?"

To his relief, he doesn't have to clarify what he means. "Up to you," Bobby says. "You know he'd only want to help, though."

In his half-asleep state, Alex doesn't know how to tell Bobby that Luke's help, right now, might break Alex's heart. Bobby is protective, defensive - but Luke would be so empathetic. Alex can't handle the idea of Luke crying about something that not even Alex has shed tears over. The weight of his own mixed feelings is more than enough for now. "I know, okay? Just..."

"All good, I won't tell," says Bobby, without waiting for him to finish. "I'm a steel trap, baby, you know that."

Alex smiles to himself at that. He only realises his eyes are closing of their own accord when he feels his eyelashes brush the glass.

"Go to sleep," Bobby murmurs. With the hum of the car, the warmth finally seeping into his body, and somewhere in the back of his mind, the security of having Bobby close, Alex is already most of the way there. "I'll wake you up when we get home."

**Author's Note:**

> thanks for reading! comments and kudos are always appreciated. find me on tumblr @sunsetcurvecuddles


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